At first glance that word makes me think of one of my favourite tv shows, Doctor Who. In that sense, regeneration is whenever the doctor “dies” and comes back with a different face, personality, etc. Basically a new actor comes in to play the character and viewers accept that this man, who looks exactly nothing like the previous, is the same character.
The next association I make with this word is to the British musician and youtuber Alex Day. every time he changes his clothing style, he says he goes through a “regeneration”. Much like in doctor who, Alex looks very different each time he regenerates. That’s because his style is so extreme that he only wears six items of clothing and changes the entire set of six each time he decides to regenerate.
What I’m trying to get at here is that I feel like I’ve recently regenerated myself. I was thinking about the stages of my life where I would label major changes as regenerations like the Doctor or Alex might.
What I consider to be the First Tiffany is me around primary school. I was the worst version of me back then, not really caring about how I looked, just mindlessly drifting through life. I didn’t have any friends/didn’t consider 99% of my classmates people I really cared about. I only had two friends I cared about, and even them I rarely talked to.
The Second Tiffany was when I forced myself to be friendly and sociable in grade 9. I had quite a few of friends who I now consider to be acquaintances as I don’t talk to them anymore but will still say hello to if I pass them in the hallways at school or on the street. My clothing style developped more into the style I currently have as I wore the sweater+tshirt+jeans combo every single day. I’m certain that if you asked anyone back then to draw me, they would have done a picture of me with that combo of clothes and the black hairclip I always used to get my bangs out of my face. My days consisted of waking up, going to school, doing last minute homework during lunch if I forgot the night before, going home and sitting the afternoon away on youtube, facebook, twitter and tumblr. The Second Tiffany stayed for two and a half years.
I think I’m on the Third Tiffany (yay, alliteration) right now. I’m caring more about my style and not always wearing the sweater and jeans, mixing it up with sweatshirts and stuff. I used to wear single coloured things only, but now I’m wearing stripes, graphics and…well actually I’m in a stripes phase right now and I love them.
School-wise I’m learning to balance it with my health. I still have trouble because it’s hard to shake the mindset of “grades are the most important thing in the whole world and nothing else matters you can’t go to bed yet too bad if you’re tired” when you’ve been hearing people sing praises about your intelligence. If you’re reading this and you tell people that grades are more important then health… I’m telling you right now that that mindset really screwed with me in August-October 2012. Honestly, I think I lost over 10 pounds in those months. Learned my lesson though: health over school, always. Although my math marks dropped over 10 percent this year, I’m learning to balance my tutoring with the other activities in my life so I can improve but stay sane at the same time.
The most important thing to happen to me that made me “regenerate” from 2 to 3, probably, was accepting that I was not going to be the social butterfly I so desperately wanted to be during Tiffany #2. I am an introvert through and through and I have to find ways to make it work for me. It’s hard in a world where extroverts, aka most of my friends and family, are the dominating force. I’m doing what I do best in smaller settings so I can feel comfortable but still work towards things I am motivated and excited to do. For example, the amount of time I spent volunteering as Tiffany #3 is way higher because I figured out where and how to volunteer without stressing myself out. If I just motivate myself, now, to get reduce the ridiculous amounts of time I spend on the Internet and use that time to exercise instead, I’ll be the best version of me to date.
If you’ve read to the end, wow and congratulations. Thanks for indulging me through this incredibly strange post. I’ll be back to posting my poetry and other less lengthy creations soon. And since you’ve indulged me, I’d love to know your regenerations!